Extract from Tyra Banks' MODELLAND


That's right, folks.

You eyes are not deceiving you. There is indeed an excerpt from Tyra Banks' Modelland available online. Here's a teaser:

Thousands of girls stampeded to the square all at once. Heels clacked. Dresses swished. Hairdos wobbled. The T-DOD theme song boomed a pulsating beat.

There was one rule and one rule only: a girl must be walking in order to be chosen.
Other than that, there was no prearranged runway on which the girls could walk, so everyone created invisible ones wherever they were standing. Violence was not encouraged nor was it condemned, and some girls' parents insisted on adding martial arts training to their walking lessons in preparation for the big day. T-DOD Square was an every- man- for- himself or, more precisely, an every- girl- for- herself event.

Scores of girls marched down their own stretches of the square, paused, posed for the cameras (real and imaginary), and then turned around. Trains of walking girls intersected with others. One area behind Tookie was so crammed with street vendors, it bottlenecked into a slow, shuffling line. Some walkers had only enough space to take a few steps before they had to stop and turn. Tookie's heart went out to a young girl in a ruffled pink dress who seemed way below the unofficial thirteen- year-old age requirement. She marched in place as if she were on a drill team.

Riiiip. A girl stepped on the train of a walker a few feet from Tookie and tore the fabric right off the dress. Both girls fell forward into a heap. The walkers behind them stepped over their bodies and continued.

Crash. The De La Crème white and cream blow-up tent went down as two brawling girls entered it. Oof. A girl who looked as if she had never walked in heels before stumbled, breaking the tips of both stilettos. Two girls got into a fight at the end of their makeshift catwalk, rolling to the ground. "Kenya, use the Gyaku Zuki move!" her mother screamed. "Reverse- punch the hairy hag! But watch your hair, sweetie!"

Tookie wheeled around. The hairy hag was Abigail Goode, sideburns in full glory, faint mustache above her upper lip, unshaven leg hair coating her calves, underarm hair swaying in the wind, and a DOWN WITH RAZORS! picket sign still in her hands. The girl she was fighting with tried out a karate move on her, but Abigail expertly evaded her blow.

Tookie's jealousy meter skyrocketed. Even Abigail was competing? She looked around some more. Actually, not only were eligible girls walking, but lots of other people were too. An elderly man on a power scooter shot a gap- toothed smile to the crowd as he steered his vehicle with his hands on his hips. Two down- ontheir-luck women dressed in trash- bag dresses and beat-up sweat suits walked while pushing everything they owned in shopping carts, heckling every girl who passed. "Honey, you wish you had it like I do." "Get back, spring chickens age before beauty, ladies!" Tookie chuckled when she noticed that even some of the protesters ditched their RUN AWAY, DON'T WALK signs and sashayed energetically while chanting, "Women, let's walk! Smile for the cams! T-DOD, it rocks. Crank the music, let's jam!"

A few drunken boys from outside the gates got into the action, strutting next to the girls in exaggerated, long- legged lopes. One guy snaked an arm around a girl's waist, but she swatted him away. The photographers and cameramen scrambled to catch every moment, projecting various images onto the screens next to the stage.

Thump, thump, thump. The music beat on. The largest screen showed the remaining time left for walking. Twelve minutes, twenty seconds.

"Go, Myrracle, go!" Mrs. De La Crème shouted. Myrracle had staggered a few feet away from the fallen tent and was standing there staring at the melee, eyes bugged, frozen in place. "Don't freeze up! Wake up, baby. You have to do this!"

"Yeah, Myrracle. You can do this. Come on!" Tookie urged, holding her sister by her arms and staring into her eyes, trying to spark a connection. "Dance in your spirit, but not with your body," she repeated over and over. Then she turned Myrracle around, placed Myrracle's hands on her hips, and whispered in her ear: "Left, then right, then left, then right . . ."

Myrracle suddenly broke out of her trance and began to follow Tookie's instructions. Tookie jumped out of the way to watch her sister. Halfway down her imaginary runway, Myrracle began to wiggle her hips and shake her shoulders to the infectious music that swelled over the sounds of the crowd.

"Don't dance!" Mrs. De La Crème bellowed, giving Myrracle a pinch. "If you sway one more time, you'll get way worse than a little pinch! If I have to beat the last pas de bourrée out of you, I will! Now walk, walk, walk like an Intoxibella!" Myrracle snapped back to focus. Her arms swung gently. She thrust her hips forward, as she'd learned to do in hours upon hours of walking class. She reached the end of her catwalk and came face to face with Abigail Goode. Both girls vied for the same spot to pose. Myrracle stuck out her pointy elbows, bumped her hip, and shoved Abigail hard out of the space. Abigail teetered over in her high shoes, hit her head on the footrest of the old man's motorized scooter, and passed out cold.

Almost immediately a siren sounded and Tookie heard someone yell, "Girl down! Girl down!"

Follow this link for the full extract.

Christ. . . :/

27 commentaires:

Grack21 said...

Christ had nothing to do with this......

lawafterthebar said...

Please tell me this isn't true...this can really be getting published.

Joe said...

Gripping!!! And such creative names for the characters....... sorry I meant poorly spelt names.

Anyway I've just run out of toilet paper, I'm in a quandry as to get some triple ply soft velvet or to wait for the release of this book....... I hope I can hold out.

valerie said...

That's actually worse than I thought it would be.

underext7 said...

"In her debut novel, Tyra Banks reaches heights comparable to the greats...Melville, Hemingway, and Dickinson spring to mind when reading Banks' 'Modelland'.... Tyra reminds us why we fell in love with Literature in the first place, there is new talent in the game folks, R. Scott Bakker, George R.R. Martin, Steven Erickson, K.J. Parker, watch out!"
-Time Magazine

Icepick said...

I'm never going to be able to unread that.

Anonymous said...

You know, I don't want to scare anyone but... this shit is probably closer to the popular wavelength than any of us, visiting Pat's website, are. FML! I might have to rewatch A Thousand Ways to Die and pick the stupidest one as suicide for when this book reaches Harry Potter proportions.

Cecrow said...

Some people's imaginations, you just do *not* want to visit ...

Jaime said...

/smh. I can't believe I actually read this excerpt. I am in pain.

Andrew25 said...

This is several kinds of wrong.

Daniel said...

Why all the HATE???

This is actually THE VERY BEST excerpt from a fantasy-model-scifi hybrid novel I've read in the last TEN minutes!

Linds said...

The names are a bit much... nicknaming anyone "creamy" sounds, um, odd. This scene is a lot funnier in my head than what ends up on the 'page'. I have images of obsessive pageant parents screaming "walk, walk!".

But the book will probably do well enough, whether its particularly good or bad, most celebrity books do. Sigh.

Anonymous said...

...So, Pat, you're going to be reviewing this, right?

Crap, that was a few seconds of my life wasted.

Kirshy said...

Everyone should note that Tyra had to create her own publication in order to get this piece of crap printed and published. I just hope kids are smart enough not to fall for the hype.

Mark said...

I now have to throw away my brains!

Amy said...

Elitist book snobs! I'm out for greener pastures.

Scott said...

Look at this:

http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/9535351-modelland

Apparently 102 people have no taste and should be eating paste instead of attempting to read a book.

that this book is even getting made makes me SO angry.

Elfy said...

It has to be some sort of elaborate joke.

Chris W said...

I thought Pat reviewing Modelland would be good for a laugh. However after reading the excerpt I think it would be a human rights violation

Lannes said...

MY EYES, MY BLEEDING EYES!!!! AAAAARRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!

Chris W said...

After reading that excerpt I'm having trouble deciding who I deride more Tyra Banks or her editor?

Grack21 said...

She doesn't seem the type to "put up" with an editor. Also it's her own publishing company so she probably is her own editor.

Sharkman said...

Okay enough of that, time to go running with scissors.

amysrevenge said...

This makes me want to use a karate move on someone.

muetzenvariete said...

This book shows us all how a topmodel fantasizes of the model business. Constant use of drugs and no food can damage the brain and Modelland is the result!

kpage16 said...

Lord have mercy. PLEASE erase this from my brain! Publishing something like this (and for young people! their poor minds!) should be a crime.

Kerrygirl said...

"Dance in your spirit, but not with your body...."

*hysterical laughter*